I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
