is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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