Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
