It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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