Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
