Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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