he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize