Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
