are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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