Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How does one acquire holy water?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
