Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think i have herpe
just one?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
