there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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