Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
