i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
