I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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