things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
