peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
