OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
