How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
