I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
