I will die if light touches me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
