It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
