matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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