Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
