Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize