he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
