Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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