It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
