i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
