omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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