the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
