That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
