I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize