U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment