i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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