NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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