yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
