I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So many bounce houses so little time
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
