Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
