Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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