My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
