he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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