I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
