I wish I could punch you in the face.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
