How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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