i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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