True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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