I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
