i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
