Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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