okay pat passed out under dana's car
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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