By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I touched a dick in church today
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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