They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
