just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
