You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
