I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Green mimosas i think yes
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
