I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
