Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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