Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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