I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
