I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
