The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
