Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
