Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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