Midget sex pt 2 tonight
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
