how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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