i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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