Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
