So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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