I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
