If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
