I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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