She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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