why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
