Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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