exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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