the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
