My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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