Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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