did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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