be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
